You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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