If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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