Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
