I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
