we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
