i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
