God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
