Just mADE A PArabola og urine
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
