Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
