dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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