i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
