WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
