So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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