Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
