hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
