that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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