You can't special order awesome
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
