Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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