I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
