omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
