There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
