..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
