ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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