I have demons in me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
