What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
