Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
