bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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