i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
