the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
