our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
