Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
