Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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