and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
