Do you still have your period?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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