end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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