I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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