My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
