How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
