Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
