This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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