did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
