I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
