I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
