God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i don't like sucking hair
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
