It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
