it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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