It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
