if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
pray to the hookup gods
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
