The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
