Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
