We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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