i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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