I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
